What up kids!

I hope you are wearing your diapers, cause this one is gonna make you sh– your pants!

HK Army Inc. along with Break Thru Entertainment is proud to present the:

Audio Overload Music Festival 2008.

Comprised of 40 bands, three major stages, ten beer tents, Half-pipe with skate demo, VIP access and capacity of 10,000 people, this event is gonna be epic! + Huge HK Army giveaway!!! Free gear!!

Date: Sunday, August 24th!

Time: 11am to 2am!

Location: Anaheim Phoenix Club, Right behind the Honda Center!

If you are a true HK Army supporter, then you will be there. It is mandatory. This event is going to be agg and will be well worth it. Show your support, earn HK Army ranking points, and join us for a beer in VIP.

Check it out for yourself at:       www.Audio-Overload.com

HK Army will be having our own Main stage with incredible bands performing. We have a secret surprise for the HK Army stage and tons of gear that we will be giving away! The HK tour bus will be inside the event rocking hard as usual, so come to the event and say hi to us. Mark and Brian will most likely be dancing on top of the bus with no shirt and a beer keg, so you can find us easily.

We have tons of sweet bands, but just to give you a taste here is a look at our line-up:

As you can see, the line-up is going to be tight, so you definitely want to be there! This is just a small taste of the massive amounts of talented bands. And if you don’t know what all of these bands sound like, well you must be living under a rock! Go check them out on MySpace!

You can get your tickets through the link on our site or through the link on the Audio Overload site.

Trust us, you are not going to want to miss this!

Lords We Out

Running Cities

We just got back from Buffalo on a loss,

We all ate too much fast food,

We’re overweight and out of shape,

We are in an economic recession,

Sales are hurting,

The chips are down,

It’s crunch time.

We read this book a while back, Donald Trump’s Think Big and Kick Ass. It’s full of stories that make you sick to your stomach. Various ways average men turned themselves into millionaires. The concepts they had we’re so simple, yet so effective. How do they do it? What separates them from the average businessman? And then we heard about Jesse winning 9 mill on a scratcher. Blew our mind. You see shit like that, and it just plants seeds, makes you think its possible, even easy. And then you turn on the TV, and there’s just more of it. The kid athlete that gets signed to a pro team for 60 million, or the fighter that gets paid a million for a 30 second fight, that internet stock that shot through the roof, you could have made millions if you had just gotten in early, and that’s exactly what we wanted to do: get in. So we said F- it, it’s time to separate the winners from the losers and find a way to prevail.

So join us while we walk you through a day in THE HK BOILER ROOM.

The alarm clock blares at 6a.m. and we’re instantly up brushing our teeth and polishing our shoes. It’s going to be a long gruesome day, but any true gentleman knows that you couldn’t sell sunscreen in a desert if you don’t get your boots shined. Linderman is scrambling eggs and pouring O.J. while we are stretching in the living room.

The clock strikes 7a.m. and we’re in the office. DJ Linderman spins some BrokenCyde 13 and the juice is running. Everyone pay attention… grab your pen and note pad, this is how you close deals:

“Ok boys, pick up your skirts, grab your balls, and lets go make some money,” You can always count on Scotty to lift your spirit with a motivational comment.

Right about now it’s go time. We all hit the phone lines. I’ve been on a dry spell for the past week, so I pretend like I’m responding to emails, but I’m really checking Myspace. Jay is working on designing the website for the Audio Overload Music Tour that we are sponsoring. It will be on August 24^th, and we expect everyone to be there. More info later.

Marky snags a potential buyer and closes our first deal of the day. The momentum starts to build. The key to mastering the art of sales is A.B.C. – “Always Be Closing.” Regardless if the chips are down, or the juice is flowing, you must always be closing. Act like you’ve been there boys. Act like you have the biggest sac in the room, because if you don’t, then you’re not cut out for this business. You can go flip patties at your local burger stand, or wash my car.

Scotty slaps C-note on the table and challenges me to a sales competition. Our CFO, Brian Lannon, can’t believe his ears and calls for the whole office to gather around. The heat is on.

Scotty and I dash for the phones and dial out a call.

I get a busy tone, but Scotty is on the prowl. He gets a hold of this potential buyer and uses the old, “Hi, how are ya? Scotty Velvetta here. This is the deal. I am not here to waste your time and I can only hope you’re not here to waste mine. So I’m gonna keep this short….”

Scotty’s lead seems like a promising pushover. I finally get a guy on the line and catch a whiff of weakness.

“Let me ask you a question, do you have any kids? . . . yeah well, if you ever want to see them make it to college, you’ll place an order with us. What? What do you mean you can’t afford $15,000? George, you’re embarrassing me here. Stop being such a sensitivo”

hahaha I got this guy in the bag.

Meanwhile Scotty hits a bump in the road:

“C’mon! What are you stupid? You want to put your money into a savings account? Listen, put your faith in me. I promise, you’ll walk away with double the cash and get your wife a pair of fake tits. It’s a win-win baby.”

Both men on our lines simultaneously agree and the sales are locked. Booya grandma.

“Stay on the line George, I’ll put you through to my secretary and get your info. You made the wise decision. Your children will thank you 15 years from now.”

Click.

And that is how you close a deal boys. Never forget it. This is your one free lesson. Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn’t have any. Time to ship out the orders, pull our pork and grab some house special kids meals.

And that is a day in the life of THE HK BOILER ROOM.

Lords we out.

DJ Lindy, spin it.

If you don’t know what the “Maloof Money Cup” is, then here is a simple rundown:

The Maloof brothers are two multi-millionaires that own the Sacramento Kings, own the Palms Casino in Vegas and pretty much dominate the world of business. Needless to say, they are one of our idols. Joe and Gavin Maloof have recently started the richest skateboarding competition in skateboard history known as the Maloof Money Cup, with cash prizes totaling up to $500,000. The money splits up to the winners of Am Street, Am Vert, Girls, Pro Vert, Pro Street.

We figured we should attend the event to get a glimpse of the skate world. The event was held at the Orange County fair grounds and it was the opening day of the fair, so you can only imagine how many thousands of people were roaming around. Equipped with a backpack loaded with stickers, our camera, and $12.75 in our pocket, Jay and I went on an adventure.

Off the break parking was posing a problem, considering it cost $10 per car and we were broke. We had to get creative in order to preserve what little money we had in our pockets. We noticed the line to pay was huge (at least nine cars long), so when the coast was clear we pulled a “Jimmy Dolan shake-n-bake.” We swung our car around, threw it in reverse and backed into the exit driveway. Don’t attempt this on your own, we are trained professionals and have practiced this repeatedly. We swooped into a spot near the entrance, got out, and stickered the parking lot. Phase 1 was complete.

As we walk in the skate area, Ryan Sheckler was walking out with his posse and Jay squealed like a schoolgirl. The day was already off to a great start. Side Note: Whoever came up with the concept for the fair is a genius. Charge ton of families $12 bucks per person to cram them into an area filled with flashy broken rides and overpriced candy/food/drinks. God bless America.

We roamed around for a while pretending that we worked for a media company and were snapping photos for a magazine or website. It got us free stuff and VIP around the event. Trust me, invest in a high-quality camera, it will open doors. Anyway, we were in the middle of admiring the World Industries ice-cream truck when we were sidetracked by a sign that described a gigantic cow that could be made into 10,000 hamburger patties!!! Clearly, we had to see this. It was $1 each and well worth it. This cow was massive and probably hates every moment of its life. They keep it in a 12’x12’ fenced area. Not nearly enough space for this beast.

There was also a horse in the barn next door that was the size of a wooly mammoth. That also cost us a $1.

When we had enough of viewing freakish animals, we called Scotty to meet up with us. We spent our last dollars on lunch. Jay ordered a chili cheese hamburger… terrible idea at a local fair. You might as well pay 6 bucks for diarrhea potion. When we finished our meals we noticed a swarm of people around a VIP booth. It was Paul Rodriguez, Terry Kennedy and some other pro skater signing autographs. The area was sectioned-off and they already had selected certain individuals to receive the autographs. This is where our camera and a little bit of moxy go a long way. We walked right past the barriers while snapping photos pretending to be media for the event and got Paul Rodriguez to sign our HK Army logo. Yahtzeeee.

The skate competition started after the signing. As we entered the arena we saw Mr. Joe Maloof himself. We couldn’t pass-up the opportunity of meeting a Maloof, so we charged over to him in the middle of his TV interview. We figured that a man of that caliber would not give us the time of day, however he was actually very outgoing and seemed happy to meet us. So we start chatting with the Maloof and he obviously loved us because after our conversation he asked if we are going to his after party at club Sutra. Jay replied, “Ohhhhh yeah the after party…. Well we were planning on it, except we didn’t get on the list…” Maloof looks over to his personal assistant and twirls his finger in the air. Just like that, HK Army is in the VIP of the Maloof brother’s Sutra party.

The skater’s were all amazing. We watched the semi-finals and left after Terry Kennedy finished his heat. The event was taking a long time and we could only sit in the freezing grand stands for so long.

When we were walking out, we decided to go on one last mission and see if we could get a photo with Terry Kennedy. TK turned out to be a Lord and hooked us up with a photo and autograph.

It’s hard to tell, but he has a ridiculous platinum grill.

After that we stickered the entire fair grounds and called it a night.

LordsWeOut

-Nabi

Before the madness unfolds and I explain how to run cities on 4th of July, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge this blog as the first official HK blog… of many Bliggity Blogs to come. …Blog… mmmm Blog

I hate to open with the cliche Mastercard intro, however it’s just too sweet to pass up, so here we go:

Five cases of beer = $112.32

Two bottles of UV Vodka = $18.99

Full tank of gas for the tour bus = $342

Box of give-away promo packages = $1,200

Finding a front row spot on the beach, half-naked girls running wild, music bumping, beer flowing…. Kenny Rosenburg  caught drinking in public, shutting down our entire operation…….

PRICELESS.

Now that we got that out of the way, I can explain how it all went down. It all started with a strategic marketing/partying plan we conceived. We would hit the beach, blast our music, generate attention towards the tour bus and hand out promo packages that consisted of an HK Army bag filled with stickers, tattoos and a shirt. It was a perfect blend of guerilla marketing tactics fused with a way to justify our alcoholism. We even fired up our deluxe, portable, $10,000, titanium BBQ for this event!

As you can imagine, everything was playing-out exceptionally well for the first couple of hours… until the police joined the party unexpectedly and without invitation, which we found distasteful and rude.  We would have offered them a beer if they weren’t trying to taze us so hard.

“What are you drinking?” asked the officer

“uhhh…” Scotty replied. The cops instantly smelled fear.

“We’re drinking water,” exclaimed Brian Lannon with an irritated look on his face.

“Uh-huh, ok,” the cop says as he slow rolls past the bus. We think we are sweet and just dodged a missile, so we all crack a joke, share a smile and get back to sipping beer… Little did we know, cops are more intelligent than they appear. They did a giant loop and creeped from behind us. They parked 20ft away and pulled a navy seal tactical assault mission. There was no time to respond, not to mention our reaction time was slightly impaired. The police found one of the vodka bottles outside on the floor and we quickly denied it belonged to us.

“Who is the owner of this bus?” a cop asked me.

I thought to myself, ‘I should asses this situation in a kind, respectful manner and save the entire crew,’ …. and then I looked down into my red cup filled with coors light, turned around and pointed to Brian Lannon. The cops pounced on him and began the interrogation. I know what you’re thinking… complete taze move, but if there is one person in our crew that can deal with police while being drunk, it is Brian. Trust me. Anyway, Brian went to work and was handling business with the cops. He managed to salvage a completely botched situation. It was a miracle! He concvinced the police that we had been drinking water and that we were just at the beach to fly kites and snorkel with mermaids. The cops we’re discussing the weather and had smiles on their faces while turning around and heading back to their vehicles……. AND THEN…..the unthinkable happens…….

Kenny kicks open the door to the tour bus, comes flying out, coors light in one hand and weener dog in the other, screaming “F*** Ya Bitches!”

I’ve never seen a police officer move so quickly in my entire life.  She had the reflexes of a mongoose. With one clean swoop, she snatches Kenny’s arm and is pulling out her cuffs. Next thing we know, Kenny does a tuck-and-roll, breaks through her gorilla grip and dashes inside the bus. Now we had a problem. Scotty and I make a break for it and run towards  the beach…. we probably made it 30ft away, stopped, looked at eachother and said, “Dang it. We can’t go down like this,” so we turned and headed back. By this time Kenny was already pulled out of the bus. The cops take his info and threaten to arrest Brian. Now they realize Brian is drunk and so they want to see the driver of the bus. We all immediately point to straight-edge Jay, haha and we survive the attack. (On a side note, if it were not for Jay and his sobriety, we would be in deep shit and at least 80% of us would be dead or in jail- thanks jay). So, needless to say, we had to pack-up shop and bounce to a new location. . . .

Stay tuned for The 4th of July Chronicles: Part II

-Nabi

HK

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